It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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