SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
