She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My room smells like vodka and shame
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
