i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
