Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
