Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
jump out the window naked night went bad
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