i barfeds in our rink
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
