You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
