Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
