Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
as a side note pls kill me
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
