so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
