I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
