I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
