Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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