If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
