Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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