I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
