turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
