Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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