those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
