Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Quick, to the slutcave!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
