he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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