dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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