A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
