there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
