I got chris browned last night
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
