Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
