wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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