just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
