i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There r osticjed everywhere
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
