go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
