it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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