Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
