I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Randomize
