Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
