the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
