You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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