when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
