$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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