just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
