Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Welp...herpes.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
