We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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