3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
