I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
