best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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