My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
