she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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