TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
