I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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