Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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