The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
