Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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