i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
