I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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